How do you know if a person feels safe? Do safe people even think about whether they’re safe? Have I ever truly felt safe? And honestly, what even is safety?

Maybe it’s too late for me to feel safe, but I’m not afraid—does that mean I’m safe?

Thousands of questions swirl in my head, each question leading to even more. I can’t tell if I’m right or wrong, if it’s all in my head, or if I’m genuinely as lost as I feel right now. It can’t be that I’ve come this far just to feel incomplete. It isn’t nothing—it’s definitely something—but it still feels like a crucial piece is missing.

It’s challenging to explain exactly how this feels. It’s like everything I want is just beyond my fingertips, always on the edge, and I’ve been reaching for such a long time. I’m constantly wondering what I’m doing wrong, what the delay is, because surely there must be something I’m not getting right.

Don’t get me wrong—I am incredibly grateful for my life as it is right now. I know there was a time when everything I currently have was exactly what I was praying for. Yet somehow, my mind keeps creating boundaries in places where I know I should be boundless. I’m ready to do whatever it takes—I know I’m worth it; I’ve always known it. But I’m stuck, unsure exactly what I should focus on. Maybe it’s my self-esteem, or perhaps it’s about feeling safe and genuinely ready to receive all that I’ve dreamed of.

Maybe my brain and nervous system just aren’t programmed yet to accept the love I desire, the lifestyle I long for, and the abundance I truly believe I deserve. Perhaps I’m still running on outdated programming, and until I shift my mental and emotional patterns, I won’t be able to fully embrace the blessings the universe has waiting for me.

It’s tough when you clearly know what you want and deserve, but your brain stubbornly insists otherwise. I notice my dysregulation clearly when I observe how I sometimes view the world—reacting instead of responding, blaming others for my emotions rather than reflecting on what I’m lacking within myself. I’ve been so focused on others—what they’re missing or how they should behave—that I’ve overlooked examining what kind of energy I’m putting out there.

I find myself judging others, and immediately afterward, I feel frustrated and sad—but the frustration always turns back towards myself. How does that even happen? How can I think I’m somehow better or wiser, even while engaging in exactly the behavior I criticize in others?

For a long time, I’ve believed that how we judge others reflects how we judge ourselves. And now, seeing clearly how harshly I’ve judged myself just for being who I am, I realize why it’s been so difficult to reach my higher self. I’ve placed her high on a pedestal while remaining below, critical and disconnected. But the truth is, she’s already within me—I’m already her—but I’ve convinced myself that she’s out of reach. Why would anyone knowingly sabotage their own growth?

Even if I hate admitting it, I often don’t feel worthy of the life I dream of. There’s a deep belief inside me that says love, abundance, success, and kindness must come from struggle and hard work. I constantly question, who do I think I am to deserve these things easily?

Recently, I read something in my natal chart that deeply shook me. It said I’d achieve my greatest success if I relaxed and stopped working so hard. That idea is almost frightening—what does it mean not to work hard? How could I possibly convince myself I’m worthy if I’m not hustling constantly? But that’s the thing—I am worthy without having to prove it. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Maybe the greatest act of self-worth is to relax, be present, and simply allow good things to come.

Yet, that insight sends me down another rabbit hole: who am I if I’m not hustling, achieving, and constantly pushing? I’ve gotten so good at hustling, and the rewards afterward have felt worth every tear and drop of sweat. But can I just sit back and trust? It doesn’t feel possible in this world. Still, my new motto has become proving that I can indeed achieve the impossible. Yes, it will be hard, and changing an entire belief system is daunting, but that’s exactly why this is my challenge—because I’m capable of it.

I’m learning to teach my mind, not through force, but through understanding, compassion, and deep listening. I’m learning to give myself the space to relax, to not stress, and to let my nervous system regulate itself naturally. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but I’m committed to making it feel as effortless as possible.

Anyone can achieve things through hustle and hard work—but true mastery is achieving everything you desire while being relaxed and at peace.

Each of us has a unique role on this earth, in this Universe. Sometimes, it’s incredibly difficult to figure out exactly what it is or how to do it. But if you knew this path was your only chance at genuine happiness and fulfillment, would you dare to follow it—even if it went against everything you’ve been taught or see around you?